Freestyle Friday

I’m on a mission to get over myself.

Now, this exercise—recording my mundane thoughts for the Internet—isn’t exactly conducive to my mission, but 1-2 blog posts per week feel like the sweet spot.

I’ve been appalled by my internet posts of late. I know we live in a world that is perfectly comfortable with sharing every high and low, with no regard for how scattered or manic we look. We bond over our anxieties and make them part of our personalities(1), entering a feedback loop of emotional waves that rock us to and ‘fro.

That…is not how I want to use the Internet.

When you’re a solitary person who figures themselves out by writing, it’s easy to fall into navel-gazing and call it art. Yes, writing practice makes perfect but my recent posts are more appropriate for a journal than honing a craft.

I need to chill. And say a little less.

The House of the Dragon trailer dropped this week…

I. Am. So. Ready.

I was among the masses obsessed with Game of Thrones in its heyday. I joined the fandom (my first and last experience with a fandom—whew, buddy), read the books,(2) and, as often discussed, write A Song of Ice and Fire fanfiction.

My love of the fandom has cooled since the disastrous season eight, but the material is still some of the best I’ve ever read/watched. The worldbuilding, the characters, the melodrama… Seriously, if you don’t understand that George RR Martin put an 80s prime time soap in a medieval fantasy, you’re reading it wrong.

So I’m jazzed for House of the Dragon. I like the Disney/Marvel stuff just fine, but I’m craving sex, intrigue, and adults generally being awful to each other in my fantasy stories.

Back to Westeros we go!

You know what the Internet makes me miss? The Grown Folks’ Table. Remember being shooed out of rooms as a kid so the adults could speak in peace?

Remember when adults had to make a concerted effort to know what the kids were into? And they could just…opt out of youth culture by minding their grown ass business?

Now, 30 and 40somethings follow trends set by a generation that doesn’t go outside. Take me back.

The style journey is still journeying. Now that I know my body type,(3) I’m honing my preferences. “Creating an effect” as one of my favorite content creators calls it.

When it comes to how I want to feel in my clothes, I’ve landed on three words: Timeless, Polished, Powerful.

In my style experiments, I discovered an “Auto timer” setting on my selfie camera, which basically lets me put my phone on the tripod and pose while Google decides which pose is worth capturing.

It took a few days (and ridiculous poses) to figure out the shutter is activated by smiling. And whatever the hell I’m doing here.

It’s giving 90s rap video fish-eyed lens

My fucking phone. Literally telling me to smile.

With some research, I learned the feature is for hands-free group photos, not self-involved spinsters keeping track of which outfits flatter them best, but still. What if the group wants to serve face?

The patriarchy, man.

What I’m into This Week:

  • The What Should I Read Next Podcast. I’m still clawing my way out of the smutty romance pit—it’s hard guys, I really do have an addictive personality—and this pod, where the host helps people out of reading ruts, is just delightful. Even if I don’t read the recommended books, listening to book conversations outside of Bookstagram is refreshing.
  • Black Leopard, Red Wolf by Marlon James. Speaking of not-smut books, I picked this one (back) up for a slow “read like a writer” read. At least one chapter a day, taking notes on my favorite lines and other dope writer tricks the author pulls off. This one is an African fantasy novel, violent, cynical, and brash—just how I like it. My favorite line so far: “Fury is a cloud that leaves my mind empty and my heart black.”
  • “Fairy Tales” x Anita Baker. I posted this song the other day and the lyrics just…clicked for me. It was the wakeup call I needed to get out of my head and ground myself in reality.

My fantasy is over. My life must now begin…


(1) Or our entire personalities.

(2) I stopped the last published book of the series, A Dance With Dragons, half-way through and refuse to finish it until the next book comes out.

(3) I think? I at least understand my body’s composition.

Published by

a girl named rob

I used to be "skinny black girl." I'm now a slender woman on the other side of 35 with no new moniker who is not quite interested in writing under her given name. Still writing my life, a day (or some months) at a time. Also, still black.

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