Too Old for This Shit

An upside to removing “girl” from your moniker: you don’t feel as guilty about how “old” you’ve become.

And guys, I’m old.

In bed by 9:00 PM, even on Saturday nights

No, I’m not sending you a photo and if you don’t have anything interesting to say, I’m not returning this text

If I don’t walk at least six miles a week, my body parts start creaking

Not downloading any new social apps; whatever doesn’t make it to my Twitter or IG feeds isn’t meant to be seen

Retired from twerking and the best you’ll get from me at the function is a line dance and a two-step

Like the new rap girls but am fifteen years older than most of them, so I blast “W.A.P.” while cleaning my kitchen because I’m not getting dressed to go anywhere and why is your thirty-five-year-old ass so worried about these young girls’ business

Old.

And I’m okay with that.

After watching my peers trip over themselves to participate in “Hot Girl Summer” back in 2019, I decided to age gracefully. That I preferred the limits of “age-appropriateness” over clinging to youth in order to appear lively or attractive.

That was another mindfuck of being “Skinny Black Girl.” It was hard to reconcile the grown-ass woman in my head and in my mirror when I still identified as a “girl.” If I was going to embrace my age instead of trying to defy it, I had to embrace myself, as is—not as I used to be.

More pragmatic than hopeful. More discerning than open. More self-contained than expressive. With neither the energy nor desire to twist myself in knots over anything. Least of all to prove I’ve “still got it.”

Yes, I dye my grays (my tapered sides look cleaner when they’re all one color). No, I don’t plan on becoming a sedentary couch potato that doesn’t care how her clothes fit. Yes, I’m still open to new ideas and information. But I’m over the trying.

I am—quite literally—too old for that shit.

Published by

a girl named rob

I used to be "skinny black girl." I'm now a slender woman on the other side of 35 with no new moniker who is not quite interested in writing under her given name. Still writing my life, a day (or some months) at a time. Also, still black.

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